Stories & poems

A "Still" Father

Written by Richard Olsen in memory of his daughter Camille & adapted for all daddies


My child is gone
I hardly remember
her coming
A moment in time
That was both
The longest
And shortest
Of my life.

 

Anticipation
Devastation
And now
Reclamation
Putting the pieces
Of my soul
In semblance
Of order.

 

Time to go on
Time to get on
With life
With love
With a hole
In my heart
But with joy
For that moment.

 

I am Camille's father
A blessed gift
Through whom I have learned
I can love
Deeply
That which I cannot hold
Except in my heart.
Knowing I am forever her father.

 


Ashley Beechey

10th April 2002

 

Life can be so cruel at times
To take those we love away,
One moment they are with us
Then they leave us the next day.

 

I never even got the chance
To see your beautiful face,
But your mother who loved you dearly
Told me about you.

Her voice was full of praise.

 

You sounded so sweet and peaceful
When God put you down to rest.
Even though I’d never known you
There was an awful aching in my chest.

 

The tears began to fall for you
Right from my very own eyes.
This I soon realised was the feeling you get
When someone you love dies.

 

Your presence among us is still felt
Of this we are all aware.
So before I go to sleep at night
I close my eyes, clasp my hands
And say a little prayer.

 

I pray your being cared for
That where you are you’re being loved.
Down here we’ll always cherish you
While you watch us from above.

 

You were a very special person
And you still are to this day.

It’s just so sad that you had to leave us
In your very own special way.

 

My mother had to leave me to
She died when I was small.
Her time on earth was also through
But she still watches over us all.

 

The last tears have fallen for now
There will be a time when were all together.
This is Good-Bye for just a little while
But we’ll love you deeply forever.

 

 

In Memory of Bryn Fitzpatrick. Precious Son of Claire Joseph & Sean Fitzpatrick
15th March 2002

 

I Long For….

 

I long for you to fill my arms
And gaze into my eyes.

 

I long to feel your tiny hand
Clasped around my finger.

 

I long for sleepless nights
When you need my breast and warmth.

 

I long for a break in the silence
To hear your hearty cry.

 

I long for your arms to embrace me
So I can reassure and protect you.

 

I long to see you grow
Instead of having to imagine.

 

I long to have you here today
Instead of no tomorrow.

 

 

Cradle and a void

By Yulia Baden in memory of her daughter Ruby

 

we stand bewildered lost
wondering
how the future we had planned so carefully
collapsed, disintegrated, disappeared from sight.
In front of us lies what was our life.
distorted, fragile, no longer safe, secure, predictable.
pain, fear, guilt, despair are trolls
who dwell beneath
threatening our inner core.
yet on the other side lies Life
and we choose Life
with all our heart.
what gives us hope is - we are not alone.
this bridge was crossed a million times.
and on the other side waits
Hope.
Compassion holds us as we melt
receiving our pain, with Wisdom.
Courage found in healing shared,
a precious gift.
steps leading to a place
where we remember with a love so deep
it fills that void with joy.
and we perceive
that we are living
as we remember you.

 

 

Emily Dickinson

 

And if I go
While you’re still here…
Know that I live on
Vibrating to a different measure
Behind a thin veil you cannot see through

 

You will not see me
So you must have faith
I wait for the time when
We can soar together again
Both aware of each other

 

Until then
Live you life to its fullest
And when you need me
Just whisper my name in your heart
…I will be there

 

 

Ethan Nathaniel Murphy-Lucas

10th April 1999

 

Born silent, born still,
With the beauty of an angel,
Ethan passed from their waiting hands,
Into the hearts of his parents.
First breathe, last breath,
Breathed within
A body full of love;
Youthful, hopeful, anticipating.

 

Now a body full of sorrow
Ethan, gave tiny footprints, inked mementos of
What might have been.
Yet as with life itself we are
Guided by fleeting moments of
Sweetness remembered
And promises dreamed.
The veil of death’s darkness
Will disappear like melting snows
In springtime.
Mercifully, prayers will turn
Cries into song,
Loneliness will fade.
Life will move forward.
Ethan has touched us all.
But his death will not harm us,
For what he has summoned the secret wonders
Of what means love.
And we have now become his children.

 

Forever loved
Mummy, Daddy & Brontë
xxx

James Berman M.D (adapted for Ethan)

 

 

For Baby Craven
9th April 2002

We Planned You by James Craven

 

We planned you, waited for you,
Worried that you’d take your time,
Thought and talked about a future with you included.
There was no swift arrival, no sudden meeting –
Just a quick, quiet heartbeat.

 

Then you left us; quietly, softly, no mementoes,
Your dying as gentle as your living.
You never arrived but we loved your presence,
You never arrived, and you will not leave us.

 

 

Jacob Harry Shackleton

17th January 2002
                                                                                                                         
My precious son, my perfect little Jacob Harry
I want to let you know how much the short time
We have had together means to me.
Your movements, they were how I knew when you liked
Something, food, drink, laughter, music, the bath,
But most of all when you’re big sister Bethie would
Talk to you, She loved to lay her head on my tummy
And talk to you; give you kisses and hugs, you always
Knew it was her, but most of all you loved it when she
Would sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” it felt like
You were dancing along with her.

 

Jacob Harry, my special gift from God,
I am so proud of you, the special bond and love that
We have is so strong, that you gave your tiny little life
To save me, to make sure Bethie still had her Mummy.
I cannot express in words what that means to me,
But I know that you know how I feel, and I
Will never forget it.

 

I am so grateful for the time I had with you when
You were born, my first thought was how peaceful
And beautiful you looked in your deep sleep.
When I held you, kissed you, smelt you,
Examined every part of you, held your tiny hands,
I could feel our bond and love getting stronger.
Every second is in my heart and thoughts,
And nothing can take them away,
My love for you is eternal.

 

God Bless my Sweetheart
Sweet dreams
And remember that I will always love you forever
Mummy
XXX

 

 

For Kaden Dontae Ives-Skyers
12th November 2001

Our Precious Memory

 

It is a year today
That our son was born,
The child we awaited
We now had to mourn.

All our hopes and our dreams
Quickly taken away,
We miss our son and wish,
He could have stayed.

We think of him daily
And still shed many tears,
The ache in our hearts
Will remain there for years.

He’s our precious memory
And we just wanted to say,
Happy Birthday Son
You are one today.

 

 

My Son

 

One year ago today
I held you Son,
Tightly in my arms
I kissed your lips,
I brushed your hair and
Took memento’s from the
Short time we shared.

 

Then I asked God to come
And carry you away,
Look after you till we meet
Again someday.

 

I know he’ll love you
Just like me,
Cause now your one of
His babies.

 

I wish there was a way
I could be with you today,
But all I can do is visit
Your grave and weep,
Yearning to be with my baby
I could not keep.

 

I love you son and I miss
You still,
I’ll never forget you
The pains to real.

 

Remember my son
I’ll be there one day

 

 

“I Still Remember Too”

 

In memory of Lauren Jagroop, 31st March 2003
By her daddy, Paul Jagroop


Do you recall when you first knew a new life resided in you,
and you could only smile a smile that belied your true delight.

 

As the gentle swelling of your belly bought promise of change,
that shone forward brightening your whole existence.

 

The flutter of Angels’ wings within that tickled the core of your soul,
while hands outside could only wish and wonder.

 

In your moments of solitude where you were not alone,
but sharing simple pleasures in the company of a friend that others did not know.

 

No need to ask for you will never forget the pain,
the grief and the numbness as all the glory was stolen,
in the cruel twist of fate that is now part of your life.

 

But I still remember the joy and delights of the days before that turn of events,
and hope, pray, that you also can turn and say “I still remember too”.

 

 

In memory of our daughter
MinusOne
3rd October 2003
Jennifer Bursack & Charles Conway

 

Don’t think of her as gone away
Her journey’s just begun
Life holds so many facets
This earth is only one.
She is but resting
From the sorrow and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she was loved so much.

Ellen Brenneman

 

 

Silent Child

 

Silently born, silent and still
Silently you were given to us,
Silent but real.

 

Silently taken, silently gone
Silently parents, silent and alone,
No silent the crying,
But silent the pain.

 

Silently back to our silent home
Silent the nights, silent our days,
Silently living, silently dazed.

 

Silent and empty, silent our world
Silently grieving our silent child.

 

 

Small Sparks of Life
By Lysanne Sizoo
(adapted by WLS)

 

Small Sparks of Life
That burned so briefly

Small Sparks of Life
We loved, so fiercely.

 

Small Sparks of Life
Never to be…

Small Sparks of Life
We set you free.

 

Small Sparks of Life
Never to have lived,

Small Sparks of Life
You were a gift.

 

From a Mummy

 

 

What Makes a Mother?

 

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

 

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a mother
When your baby’s not with you?

 

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

 

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there’s no need to stay.

 

I just don’t understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear.

 

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say…

 

“We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My mummy loved me oh so much

I got to come straight here.

 

I feel so lucky to have a mum
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mummy set me free.

 

I miss my mummy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow’s where I lay.

 

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mummy don’t be sad today
I’m your baby and I’m here.

 

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in my home
And this is where they’ll stay.

 

They’ll wait for you with me
Until your lesson there is through
And on the day that you come home
They’ll be at the gates for you.

 

So now you see what makes a Mother
It’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

 

Though some on earth may not realise
Until their time is done.
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are a special Mum!

 

For Baby Zak


 

Cold, detached by Sarah Speake

 

Cold, detached, unfeeling
The care in me has gone
A shadow of the former me
My self does not belong

 

A part of me is missing
It’s killed who I once was
My energy has gone on strike
I function just because

 

The hope for me is shattered
The dreams a shallow ghost
I do not wish to live now
Without my treasured most

 

Oh Amélie I miss you
My brain is always ticking
In sleep I feel happiest
Reality your kicking

 

 

Grief is dreadful by Sarah Speake

 

Grief is dreadful, grief is grim
Grief an overwhelming din
It shuts out happiness and light
And makes each day a daily fight

 

Each of us differs in how we grieve
We all seem to search for some vague reprieve
From the pain and the anger, the panic and fear
The skewered heart, the loss severe

 

Because we’re all different we need to reflect
And treat one another with mutual respect
For grief there are no rules or guidelines
And life carries on, with you on the sidelines……..

 

 

I used to be strong by Sarah Speake

 

I used to be strong but now I’m weak
The future was bright and now it’s bleak
I used to be a mother and now I’m not
My motherhood that time forgot
I used to enjoy life and sharing and giving
And now I feel like I’m playing at living.

 

 

I'm scared to go to sleep now by Sarah Speake

 

I’m scared to go to sleep now
In case my boy can’t breathe
The legacy his sister left
Poor kid has no reprieve

 

I try to be a normal Mum
And not be over-frantic
Imagination’s killing me
I could be Mrs. Panic

 

In sleep I dream some scary dreams
Of Amélie and Josh
As normal living siblings
And Rosie’s cousin “Dosh”

 

I won’t see them together though
They’ll never play and laugh
Not splash around in the swimming pool
Or misbehave in the bath

 

My dreams of my little angels
Have come too sadly true
My Little Lady’s truly one
Now in the sky so blue

 

Her brother is her other half
My two peas in a pod
I won’t compare too vocally
Poor kid would think it odd

 

I daren’t inflict the pressure
On my precious Little Man
I’ll tell him of his sister
As and when I can

 

I’ll watch out though for freakiness
In telling him too much
A true trait of my Speakiness
Remembering her touch

 

I love my kids so very much
As only Mummies do
Dear Josh I’m glad you’re living
I wish your sister too…………..

 

 

Ode To Amélie by Sarah Speake

 

My heart cries out in agony
Just knowing you’re not there
The aching pain increasing still
The ill beyond repair

 

I held you close and cherished

Our eleven special days

It hurts so much to know
That you’re now beyond my gaze

 

My mother’s love, my precious girl
Will never disappear
I hope the pain will lessen though
Each week, each month, each year

 

Amélie, my first-born child
A wriggler in the womb

Your problems’ cause we’ll never know

Our lives it does consume

 

A wanted child, intended
Our product born of love
You’ll always be a part of us
Now in the stars above.

 

 

Time by Sarah Speake

 

I don’t want time to pass at all
The weeks a constant marker
Of more time lost since Amélie
The strength of feeling darker

 

Each Sunday now a day of pain
Her birth an awful memory
My life now lacking sun but rain
Just pours unto eternity

 

I’ve lost the will to live and smile
Just being’s not enough
The cesspit that is now my home
Reminds me that life’s tough

 

The hope I had has gone for good
Our plans now dashed forever
My biggest fear of time to pass
Is that we might forget her

 

 

 

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